No Bullshit from Dr. Adam

January 5th

Boundaries are Awesome, And They Will Have Consequences ↓

Hey Reader,

Let's talk boundaries. If you were a client of mine, you know I love talking about boundaries. I'm a psychologist. Of course, I love talking about boundaries.

But here's the thing a lot of people don't understand about boundaries. There are the consequences that they're looking for, but then there are also unintended negative consequences that they don't want or anticipate. What I mean by that is let's say that you decide you're not going to talk to a family member. You could set that boundary and the people around you may not like that, and react negatively towards you for it, which may cause you more stress.

You Need to be Prepared When Setting Your Boundaries

Now, I'm not saying not to set boundaries. I just want you to be more prepared and aware of the possible consequences and aftermath of when you set one.

So here is what I would make sure of before setting a boundary with a friend, family member, or colleague:

Know WHY you’re setting a boundary (they’re going to ask!)
Be CLEAR with what you’re asking for.
Be ASSERTIVE (avoid phrases like “I think I…”).
Be POLITE. Assertiveness does not equal being mean or rude.
Be PREPARED for them to not understand

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW TO PHRASE BOUNDARIES

“I’ve realized us spending time together causes me more stress than I’m comfortable with. I need to take time away from our friendship. I’ll reach out when I’m comfortable to do so.”

“When you raise your voice, it makes me feel [INSERT EMOTION]. If you continue to raise your voice, I’ll need to walk away.”

“I understand that you’d like me to text you more, but I don’t prioritize time on my phone and may not see your message as quickly as you’d like. Please respect my decision to not be on my phone.”

“I appreciate you inviting me out and I hope you have a good time. I’m going to stay in tonight.”

“I believe you’re coming from a place of concern or kindness, but I would prefer you not comment on my body.”

“I’m honored you trust me to vent to, and I want to hear what you’re going through. Now isn’t a good time though and I can’t be as present for you as I’d like to be. I’ll text/call when I can give you the attention you deserve.”

READY TO BE YOUR BEST SELF?